Five things I've learnt since living in Italy (Part 13)

Five more things I've learnt since living in Italy.

1. Butter is the devil's food and very very bad for you. But pouring a year's salt allowance into each meal is not bad. It's simply making the food tasty. That's not my opinion - I'd happily go without salt and smear my toast with butter. It's the opinion of every Italian I know. I once asked my 14-year-old students to compare English breakfast with Italian. "English people is fatt (sic) with spots because eat fatt butter and fatt bacon and fatt sausage and chips, toast and cornflakes and for breakfast every day," wrote one. Another wrote "English people eats bad because they eat too much sugar and too much butter." Apart from the fact that I too would be fat (not fatt) and bursting at the seams if I ate that much every day, isn't too much salt, sugar and oil also bad for you?

2. Italians don't do polite at the dinner table. They will tell you to your face when they don't like it and exactly what is wrong with it. Italians are inbuilt with a far superior olfactory system than north Europeans and can detect every single ingredient in a fresh creamed soup. Perhaps the police should use Italians rather than sniffer dogs in their line of inquiry.

3. Italians have no qualms about telling you when you have lost weight or put weight on. "Ahh, Emma, what's all this ciccia?" 'Ciccia' means fat. Disturbingly, Italian men are also programmed to spot cellulite that even you didn't know you had and openly tell you about it. After recovering from falling off my chair in shock, I tackled one ex about it. "Amore, why you angry?" he said. "I could drown in your eyes they are so beautiful' (the classic Italian romantic spiel). "I am only trying to help you improve yourself".

4. Italians are fitness freaks, there's no doubt about it. Pilates, swimming, yoga, baskeball are all popular choices. But never try to get an Italian to walk anywhere. Walking is not something you do for fun, unless it's the evening passeggiata around the piazza to show off your new clothes and your fabulous blow dry. Even the estate agent yesterday offered to give me a lift to my Volkswagon Passat, which we could actually see from where we were standing. Obviously I refused. Well, I needed to work off the 'ciccia' somehow.

5. You should never go out with wet hair. You will catch a cold. You must dry it at all times, even in the summer when it's going to dry within five minutes of stepping outside the front door anyway. Even your hairdryer not working isn't an excuse. It would be better to knock on your neighbour's door and ask to borrow one.

Comments

[Emma]

This post made me laugh out loud! Particularly point 3, which pretty much sums up my life, given that I am also called Emma and my Siclian boyfriend is quite happy to point out "ciccia" on a regular basis!!

[Emma Bird]

Hi Emma

I love your blog!

what is it about Italians and the 'ciccia'? And especially the way that they detect said ciccia even from a distance? No wonder Trinny and Susanna aren't a success here. Their efforts at trying to get you to disguise your bad points would definitely fail.

Oh well.

Ciao
Emma

[Brad Shorr]

Love your blog, Emma. Italy is one of my favorite places, and you make me want to go back right now!

[Emma Bird]

Hi Brad

Nice to see you over here.

I'll do my best to transport you back more often.

Emma